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I’ve been talking to the mighty slut and we whined about our bad habits. We have many moments where we are fed up with our bad habits, but we can’t seem to change… so we decided to make it a game. We can try to motivate each other and use our blogs to monitor our progress 
We set 3 small goals for the coming week. They can’t be too big, we want to take one step at the time. It have to be goals that connect with our ‘bigger issues’, the bad habits we want to do something about. We place the goals on our blogs and update daily about how we’ve been doing. And we comment each other
My goals for this week:
1. Be in bed on time. No later than 22.30 (this means I have to start preparing around 22)
2. Cook dinner every day. Doesn’t have to be fancy, but take-out, bread and pizza don’t count. Now I’m wondering, should a microwave meal count when it’s a healthy one? Actually not. I should cook it myself. I have lots of things in the freezer so getting groceries or money can’t be an issue (actually they are reasons against it. Getting a microwave dinner or a half-ass salad at the supermarket is more effort and costs more money than to just go home straight from work and cook something that’s in the fridge).
3. My personal care:
Morning: shower, clean face, brush teeth, day cream
Evening: brush teeth, remove make up, clean face, night cream, body lotion
Apart from all those rules and obligations, we’re allowed one day off. For the mighty slut, this will already be today because she’s going to see a movie and she won’t be home before her goal-bed-time. But I hope she will blog about it somewhere today, before she’s in bed 
And on Sunday we’ll set new goals. If I didn’t manage all those 3 above for the coming 5 days (including today), I guess I’m going to bring that goal to the next week. Would one week be enough to make a lasting change? Or will the bad habits come back as soon as we set new goals? Only time can tell….
Ok, it’s not morning anymore but I feel like it is. It’s Sunday and I’m lazy. I don’t want to do anything, but I don’t want to waste the day either… tough mood to be in, I can tell you that hahaha… So I’m just hanging around the house now. Doing the laundry, talking to some people online.
I’ve been trying really hard to stick to my diet the last couple days but it seems to be impossible! I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I had 4 really great weeks where I lost 5 kilos and now… I’m watching them coming back. I don’t even dare to stand on the scale, I just ignore that thing. Yesterday I ate some snacks at my grandmother’s place and I had something in the middle of the night. It fucks me up, why am I so weak?! I’ve been up only a few hours now and so far, I’m good. I got a lot of groceries yesterday, most of the things described in the book. So this coming week should be easier, when all the things I have to eat are at hand.
Mr. D. did reply my message Friday night. “What do you want me to do?” he wrote. This frustrated me even more – his constant questions what I want or expect or wish. I just want you to follow your heart! Live a little bit more, follow your goals and dreams. If I’m not part of them, tough shit. At least you’re doing what you want. Make a choice and don’t come back to it all the time because you regret it. I wrote him back ‘I want you to come over and make love to me all night. But it’s not relevant what I want, is it?’ It took him a while to reply to that. He said, ‘Yes and no. I won’t come over tonight but will you think about seeing each other again…’ me: ‘listen to your heart or to the mind? Stay behind or move on? I don’t know anymore’. I wrote it in a more general way but I can’t translate it. He didn’t reply. Last night I wrote him ‘On what I want you do to: follow your heart, listen to your feelings. And do I want to see you: Yes, even though I think I better not’. He replied that he has to think about it, his mind is set on some other things he has to figure out. His car is broken, or whatever. That’s no news. I’m not at all interested in his fucking car or what other things are going on in his chaotic life.
The pretty boy surprised me yesterday. He was on a Dutch island with a group of friends, hanging out and drinking until dawn. He was super hung over but in good spirits – this guy seems to be in good spirits all the time hehe. He asked how my Friday night had been and I couldn’t bring myself to say it was great. It was great – except for Mr. D.’s intervention. I told him a bit about Mr. D. and he was so… sweet. Just sweet, understanding and smart. He got the picture quite well. I admitted that Mr. D. had been pushed to the background when I met him, and that I was glad that everything was uncomplicated between us. PB (pretty boy) agreed that what we have is uncompicated, just fun, and we’ll see where it’s going. He said, ‘Mr. D. sounds like he can’t make up his mind. I have often felt the same in the past, it seemed like I was never on the same level as the girls I dated. We were never feeling the same about each other and the relationship, so it never lasted. That made me decide to never get into it to deep, just take it as it comes. I don’t make promises anymore or use heavy words.’ … and that’s pretty smart. That’s the kind of guy I need right now. It’s a relieve to talk to someone who’s honest and clear on what he thinks, wants and doesn’t want. I can’t wait to see him again
Oh and… J. is coming over in two weeks… *rolls eyes* I won’t say anything more about it, it’s too ridiculous…………
ok. i’m in a hurry. got no time to bother about the text being neat, typed in word and all… i have to hurry a bit.
weight this morning: 77 kg (so i guess this is my ‘clean weight’. my BMI says 75 kg is my maximum, so i’m actually ‘only’ 3 kg too heavy. but on the other hand, i don’t see 3 kg when i look in the mirror. i don’t think 3 kg less is gonna help me. so i’m still in the race for 70 kg round)
food today: 1 cracker with jam, 1 cracker with peanut butter, 1 apple, 1 banana, 1 orange, 2 evergreen (cookies with raisins), 1 small yogurt with jam and crunchies, 1 white bun with chicken and pesto-mayo (bad bad bad), 1 brown bun with cheese and cucumber, 1 cracker with chicken and cucumber, one cracker with fruit-sprinkles, 1 cup of chicken soup (the powder type), 1 mint-candy
drinks today: about 1 L of water, 1 glass of yogurt drink, half a can of diet-coke, about 4 cups of herbal tea
this covers the whole day, there’s no real dinner today – again. i should have drank more water but my bottle was smelling bad, lol and i was too lazy to get a glass and walk to the water machine all the time… now, i’m exhausted and i’m gonna crash on the couch.
i had moments of dizzyness and unwell-feelings today. no idea if it’s the food or the tiredness. i didn’t really eat less today than on normal days, just no candy. NO CANDY! oh well… i’m looking at a small jar of candy right now…
Weight in the evening: 78 kg
Food today: 2 mini snickers, 1 apple, 1 orange, 1 evergreen, 1 bun with raisins (no butter), 1 slice of dark brown bread with tuna salad and pickles, 1 slice of dark brown bread with ham and brie (French cheese), 1 wholewheat cracker with butter and chocolate chips, one small cold pesto-pasta salad (God knows what was in there)
Drinks today: 1 small glass of yogurt drink, 3 or 4 cups of tea, 0,5 L water, 2/3 ca of chocolate milk
Exercise: 1 hour of BodyPump, 10 minutes of biking, approx 15 minutes of stairs up and down
You know, it’s not that I’m stupid or anything. I can see a pattern here too, I’m not totally ignorant. I know the things I’m eating are not in balance with the hours I spend in the gym. Today is actually a good day because I have to teach. But then still, the things I’ve eaten today are not at all lost with one hour of BodyPump (which is light weight lifting, meant to tone and strengthen the muscles rather than to become muscular).
Saturday I bought a scale. That’s why I know I weight 78 kg – at this moment that is. I heard once that you should weigh yourself in the morning, before showering and after you’ve been to the toilet. So I will try to do that on a regular basis. I also bought the book of a famous Dutch health-expert. She wrote a 2-month program with which you can loose weight in a very healthy way. Many people are cynical and negative about her, saying there are not enough calories in her day-to-day menu. But after reading what she wrote about it, I think it’s ok. Of course it’s not nearly as much as I eat now, and not as much as most people eat, but if you don’t cut down the amount of calories you eat in one day, you’ll never loose any weight.
Another option for me would be to just stop my bad eating habits. Like the fries and burger last Thursday, followed by the pizza-order on Friday and chips and candy on Sunday (ok I was in a bad mood!). But it seems I can’t shake off the bad habits. And then still, I would have to add more gym hours to actually loose the extra kg. I’m not sure what the right weight is for me. My BMI says the highest I can weigh is 75 to still be acceptable. I think I’m going to set my goal at 70 kg.
I haven’t started my diet yet. Let’s see if I can manage to write down here every day what I’ve eaten and how much I weigh – preferably in the morning of course – and then get ready for my diet after the weekend….
This morning, a man delivered a box of different pieces of cake. I was surprised and he said, “There’s a note!” and pointed at the envelope on the box. I opened it and it said, “Thanks to Chantal and Mr. Baas” – one of our customers has sent me this cake because I helped them out with some matter. YAY 
I just had this piece of chocolate cake and it was DELICIOUS!!! Sooooo good. I’d like another one, but I should share shouldn’t I
I just had this piece of chocolate cake and it was DELICIOUS!!! Sooooo good. I’d like another one, but I should share shouldn’t I 