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Oh boy oh boy oh boy. My internet connection has left the building once again. I’m not even sure how long it lasted, not long anyway. Apparently, the modem broke down. I can’t fix it, MM can’t fix it, re-installation didn’t help. Nothing helped. So here I am again, sadly typing on the tiny keyboard of my Sony Ericsson Xperia mobile phone. Which is also partly handicapped. One advice when purchasing gadgets: get the who knows as little tricks as possible. Thes less features it has, the better. They will break down one by one…
What else? I just sent an e-mail to J., it seems impossible to keep the silence. Nothing much going on really. He’s been travelling in Asia with his family for a couple months and e-mails me once in a while. I’m usually reluctant to reply. Guess I’m in a good mood today.
Spent two nights with MM his week. He stayed at my place Monday and Tuesday night. What can I say? Clichés come to my mind – hand in glove, a click, magic, match made in heaven, sex is better with love, and so on. The best thing is, that they are all true… I was surprised how comfortable it felt to be around him, how easy it all went. I even slept with him, I meant really slept. I had thouht it was impossible after all the nights of staring at the ceiling with Mr. D. snoring beside me. It wasn’t the snoring that kept me awake, it was somethin I still can’t figure out. I wasn’t relaxed, to say the least. But now I was. He was just there and it was just good. It all happened so naturally. This is the way a relationship should be build up, this is how it’s supposed to grow, I think. I don’t know everything, of course. Just that this feels incredibly right, even though it’s not.
On a less joyful note; I saw my coach last night. It’s the first time I’m facing, and dreading, a very big pand difficult step. I was confronted with a major wall of resistance while talking about my mother. I can talk about her a lot, I can explain what I dislike about her, what things happened in the past and how it affects me now. I can tell you about these things calmly, as I’m sitting here typing without really feeling anything. The one thing I can’t do, is get angry at her. This angry little voice inside my head that screams awfull names, blames her for everything and rages on and on sometimes – I can’t let it out. It’s in my head and that’s as far as it goes. I never really express that, and I don’t want to. But if I want to progress with this therapy and solve the mother-issue, I have to let it out. I have to experience the pain and the emotions in order to accept, forgive and move on. It wat not pleasent, the mirror image I was staring at last night. Like an ugly part of myself that I prefer to hide.
I have to stop now, my fingers are all cramped… I’ll change into some comfortable clothes and tidy up the house. Hope to see MM online soon 
Some time ago I said something about the ‘Mr. D.’ tag getting smaller… it hasn’t goten much smaller yet, because I haven’t blogged that much. Wasn’t that part of the story of my life? Not keeping up no my blog? Or any other one of my sites, hehehe…
Ok so now I’m writing another blog about Mr. D., but I’ll keep it short. It was his birthday yesterday, he has turned 39. I sent him an sms to congratulate him. He replied right away that he was driving in France, would come back that day and leave again for France and Italy the next. He called me sweetie and pretty and what not. What ever, I thought. You can talk, D., but I’m not really listening.
There’s a song that I could sing to Mr. D., ironically enough brought to my attention by the Mystery Man. This song has it all, so I won’t write any more. The next blog will not be about Mr. D. 
Nikki – What did I do
You said you’ve had enough
I’ve packed up all my stuff
I’m waiting for the cab in the hallway
I’ve got nothing to explain
I’m naked in the rain
Like every part of me is on displayTrying to act like everything’s ok
No wayWhat did I do?
You say I screwed it up and it cost you
All it took was one slip and I lost you
What did I do?
But maybe it’s not me
Maybe it’s you
What did I do?I know that you won’t call
Won’t talk to me at all
You left me in my less than perfect world
I’m done with feeling small
I really gave it all
Tried to be your stupid cover girlYou must be glad you finally had your way
I guess we’ll never know
I guess we’ll never know
I guess we’ll never write this story
Maybe looking back
Many years from now
When it’s all to late to be sorry
You’ll be thinking
What did I do?
There are good days, and there are bad days. Some days start out good but turn ugly before you know it… but it’s very rare that they turn out good in the end. So this day is pretty rare
Alright, the new day is just a couple of hours old, but it’s still Saturday to me. It started good with a lot of sleep, some quality time with myself in the bathroom and then good friends came to visit. It got ugly when I kinda of lost myself in worries about some things, but the Mystery Man came to brighten up the evening. Though when he was of to bed, I got lost again… Until now! I was just sitting here, sulking because I can’t use my blog now that I don’t have Internet besides on my mobile phone. I was in a good blogging mood… then I surfed around a little, with my phone, and found the link http://m.wordpress.com… who would have guessed the solution was that simple… hehe. I didn’t. I didn’t even think about checking that option. It was probably too obvious.
So, it seems I’m back
It’s been a long time since I blogged, and even longer since I blogged on a regular basis. I’ve missed it, but at the same time it’s been good to be ‘offline’ for a while. I actually read a few books, and I managed to follow up on some TV shows… 
I also kinda do my housekeeping nowadays – oh yes! It’s true! Well I do leave the dishes most of the time, and I still don’t do an awful lot during the week. But this new apartment is a lot easier to keep clean than the old one. In fact, it’s a lot better in many ways. It’s heated, isolated, has a bathroom and – oh my god – it doesn’t leak ANYWHERE. How great is that! Hehe. I’m easy to please eh
Ok…. on a more serious note. More has changed since I moved, and since the new year started. Mr. D. and I are definitely history. I’m not sure why it took me so long to realize this. Even during my birthday last November, when he was sort of stalking me and I told him I didn’t want to talk to him anymore… yeah I still had my hopes up. Since then, we have talked a couple of times. Never anything serious. I was still annoyed about the whole situation, so I started to ignore his calls and messages. If I did speak to him, it was always short, and I always found a way to get rid of him as soon as possible. Eventually it lead to the point where he wanted to come over. I could have known that pushing him away would make him run even faster towards me. So he came to look at my new place. It was kind of shocking to see him again, after what, four months or something? I couldn’t even remember the last time we met. He was… tall. Large. Big. HUGE! I had forgotten how big he was, it was almost intimidating. This giant of a man, used to be my boyfriend?! It all seemed so far away. We had a good time talking. He tried to kiss me more than once and he groped my boobs. No surprise really, and I didn’t really respond – now that was the real reason I agreed to see him. To test myself, to see how I would feel. Sometimes you can make a choice, a decision, and then THINK you know what you’re saying… but it’s good to double check. At least I think so. I needed to see him, to have him physically there, to double check. It turned out great, I’m really over him. It didn’t get dramatic for one second and I wasn’t angry. I still don’t understand him, I guess I never will. I have to leave it at that.
Let’s hope the ‘Mr. D.’ tag in the tag-cloud will get smaller and smaller as time goes by
There’s another man in my life right now. He’s been there for some time now, though it seems longer than it actually is. I was discussing it with him earlier tonight – how and when did ‘we’ change? When did it happen, when did it become so… so… big? Maybe big is not the right word… Mhm I’ve talked to my Norwegian Slut about the Mystery Man and she had no idea what I was talking about. So especially for her (as there are no other readers that I know of, besides the MM himself )…. I will explain a little bit about the Mystery Man. To make it easier for myself, I will call him ‘MM’ from now on.
We ‘met’ on the dating site… oh yes. The same place where I met Mr. D. and the Photographer. It’s actually closed now, they went offline on Valentine’s Day! Anyway…. we started chatting on the site somewhere last year. I think it was around the time I met Mr. D. too, but I can’t be sure. I never saved those messages, now I wish I had. I always want to put things on time-lines We were talking on the site now and then. He told me from the start that he’s married and not looking for a date. He just wanted to talk, nothing else. He’s happy in his marriage, got a couple kids etc. Fine with me of course. There were lots of married men on that website and most of them were there to have a little fun, exchange photos or dirty talk. So we talked, e-mailed, chatted… the number of messages a day was growing as the year ended and at some point it got sexy… very sexy We had already done serious (he’s read my blogs and poems), we had been funny and now, we were sexy too.
Early January, my moving date came closer. I warned MM that I wouldn’t be online for some time (at that point I had no idea it would take THIS long) and I gave him my mobile number. It was a long shot, and it was a bit scary. I was crossing some kind of border, and he was reluctant about it. Still, there was my number sitting in his mailbox.
A few days after I moved to my new place, I got an sms from an unknown number… he was missing me after sending messages on the site and to my Gmail without getting any response – I was off work for two weeks so I had no Internet access at all. By that time, I was almost done setting up Internet on my mobile phone. Soon we were emailing again, every day, almost all day long… sms-es were added… we use e-mail as a chatprogramme, we send hundreds of short messages a day
Then one late night, I asked him if he would ever call me on the phone. Or was he perhaps to chicken to do that? Next thing, my phone was ringing and I heard his voice on the other end. Oh! My! God! The Mystery Man on the phone!
Ok, ok, I’ll try to keep it short (Kjersti don’t you dare to laugh!). We met half February. Spent some time drinking coffee, walking around, talking. Talked about lots of stuff. It was one of these rare moments where you have an ‘instant click’ with someone. When you just know, this is gonna be a good time. When I just knew, I was getting into trouble. Because this was going way to smooth, I was so relaxed with this guy… and at the same time I wasn’t. I had forbidden myself to flirt with him. He’s too nice, too sweet, you can’t lead him on… you can’t. I don’t think I did anything to lead him on. I was just… myself. And it was easy – that should have warned me. It was too easy, far too easy being myself around him.
He kissed me one minute before his train left. Totally unexpected. I was going to give him three kisses, but he lingered in the middle. I didn’t doubt a moment about kissing him back or not, but after a few seconds I pushed him away. Kissing a married man… seventeen years older… what the hell was I thinking….? How about the promises I made to myself? Remember that? Oh well. They went out the door *poof*…
I’m totally smitten. I can’t help it. We met again, another city, another train station.. and more kisses.
Last week Baby Spice from work said I had a ‘glow’. Oh god. I’m really in trouble now, I just know it. I told him, I’m in love with him… what can I do about it (sing-song in German-accented Gessle-voice – that’s an inside joke)?!
Always a sucker for the dark side, I’m already thinking about how all this will end. Because it has to end, some day. It will end, somehow. He will pass, like others have passed before him. It sounds so… dramatic and… well, depressing. I don’t wanna sound depressing, I’m not depressed at all. But I do remember moments when I thought I would never get over Gessle, the Gym Teacher, J., Mr. D….. and they’re gone. Every single one. They left, or I left them, or they just vanished. Stopped being important, stopped ruling my life.
One easier than the other. Gessle was stubborn, he stuck with me for many years even though he was never really there. J. was very much there, for eight years. It was me who was stubborn, I couldn’t let him go.
So what will happen with MM and me? The way things are now, I enjoy it immensely. Always checking my phone, always hoping for messages from that special one. He brightens the rainiest days. He made me write again, I already wrote 3 posts to Nightblindness (in Dutch) and I think more will follow. I’ve written some short stories about us and he’s enjoying every word, even writes with me… a man that writes with me…!
I think we will meet again. I hope so, I hope soon. We might share some more kisses – stolen, forbidden, quick and gorgeous. We might even share a night, one. There is a possibility in about two weeks, that we spend a night together. My hands get sweaty just by typing this.
And then? Well… I think that’s about it. The e-mails will continue, an occasional stolen kiss on a windy train station.
I will crave more. I am already craving more. Even his 24/7 attention isn’t enough, I’m always hungry for more. Two hours on the phone and I miss him the moment we hang up. But the stolen kisses, midnight phone calls and more than a hundred e-mails a day, that’s all it will be. We won’t see a movie together, visit concerts, go out on the weekend, shop for groceries together, drive to work, I won’t make him dinner and he won’t hug me to sleep after a long day at work. None of that is going to happen. And I don’t know how long I will be able to stand that.
In spite of all this, I don’t want to miss it.
While writing all this, MM is asleep with his wife beside him. He was smart, he went to bed on time. Me, I’m stupid, because it’s almost four in the morning now. But hey, it’s Sunday tomorrow, I don’t care
There is a chance that MM will read this, sooner or later. He used to check this blog, don’t know if he still does, as I haven’t updated in so long. But in case he will…
MM, yes you, my Mystery Man, Ambigu. When you read this… I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to think about how we will end up. You don’t want to know about the negative side of our ‘thing’. Please don’t think that I’m thinking about this constantly, or that I’m suffering. I’m not. I’m just being realistic… I have to be. It keeps me from asking for things I can’t have.
(PS Als ik teveel over jou persoonlijk geschreven heb, of herkenbare dingen… volgens mij niet, maar als ik iets moet weghalen moet je ‘t zeggen)
January 15/16th, 2009
It’s almost 2 in the morning so technically it’s Friday, but it feels like Thursday. Whatever. I’m in bed and I can’t sleep. It’s been a while since I wrote anything and I suddenly had the urge to get my laptop and type away… so here I am
My head is so busy, I can’t make it stop. There are a million things to think about and I’m not tired enough to let sleep come over me. Not really a surprise, as I slept until 11 this morning.
My two weeks off are almost over. It has been great!! Stressful at times, but great. I moved into my new place and had plenty of time to get used to it. I got a lot of things done in less than two weeks. Of course the ‘Things To Do’ list never ends, but I’m doing alright. The only thing that really bothers me right now is the conflict with the Internet provider. Not having Internet proves to be less of a disaster than I had expected. I ordered Internet access on my mobile phone and it’s working perfectly. The basic need is e-mail and I don’t have much trouble using Gmail on my phone. The thing is, I hate the fact that the Internet company hasn’t replied my angry letter yet. It’s more than a week ago that I had my colleague print and send it and they haven’t responded at all. They did send me two other letters which have nothing to do with my complaints and made it obvious that they haven’t taken notice of them. There’s a big chance that I am on the wrong side. I sent them a very pissed letter with big angry words but most of it was a big guess. And they just don’t reply!! Isn’t it just rude? They piss me off even more. I’m thinking I should send it again, this time registered, so that I get a confirmation that it has arrived. I will copy the letter I sent on the 6th and the letter I received from them and point out that it’s not very accurate what they wrote about my subscription. The subscription is non-existent, because I canceled it and I forbid my bank to send any money to this organization at all. I was hoping this would make them respond faster… but well, in order to respond, they would have to read it first and they clearly didn’t.
I think this is the only thing that’s really bothering me. It’s pissing me off. Apart from that, it’s all the same. Just on a different location I’m not cold anymore – at my old place I was cold all the time, watched TV in the evening with an extra sweater and a blanket over my legs. I went to sleep in pants, socks, two shirts and three blankets. Now I just got a t-shirt and one blanket and when I wake up, I’m unbearably warm… hehehehe…. that’s a huge improvement. So is the bathroom! It’s small, there is almost no storage space and the shower kind of sucks (the water stream is so tiny you have to find it with a magnifying glass), but hey – it’s my first own bathroom ever the old house didn’t even have a bathroom. The shower was situated in the kitchen. It worked perfectly but still… a bathroom rocks
I took care of a lot of small tasks these past two weeks. First of all, I had to take care of the old place. I had some help from Johan and my dad with taking out lots of junk; chairs, a bed frame, two old closets and lots more. I even vacuumed the place, which turned out to be useless because ‘the new guy’ (my landlord’s son) would take out all the carpet the next day. But I didn’t know that then. Couple days later, Dennis helped me with taking out the washing machine, fridge and stove. I left the keys on my FORMER landlord’s desk and left!!! Shut the door for the last time! GOODBYE HOUSE! Goodbye ugly motherfucker landlord! Goodbye mentally disturbed clubbers! Goodbye pissing-against-my-door-morons! Goodbye, all the sad and pathetic people that I saw on an almost daily basis…
I spent the whole Monday reading. I finished a great book by Stieg Larsson. It’s the first book I read by him and I really have to get the other two as well. He died before the first part of his trilogy came out. I had started reading somewhere last weekend and finished it on Monday. I read the whole day! There were moments where I thought, mmm… maybe I should DO something…. or maybe not It’s my vacation, the first one in a looong time, and I can do whatever I want. There’s nobody here who can give an opinion and if anyone would, I don’t care. It’s MY time and I can spend it the way I want
On Tuesday, I had the new J. over for dinner to thank him for his help. He also went to the basement to fasten some… uhm… what should I call it… racks? Shelves? Well they needed to be fastened to the wall so he did that for me. The rest of the day, mm, I can’t remember what I did hehe. Oh I think I finished the book because it wasn’t all done on Monday. I went shopping for groceries and took out the trash, that sort of thing.
There were a lot of phone calls these two weeks. The community registration office, insurance companies, I visited the bank twice to make payments on their public computer, I incidentally spoke to some colleagues. It has been a busy time but I also made lots of space for relaxing and that feels really good.
Tomorrow it’s Friday, my last official day off. I want to do some laundry and clean the house. I’ve been very good at housekeeping the past time, so it won’t be much work. I want everything to be perfect before I go back to work. I never wanna do anything when I come home from work so I better do it now. I’m meeting my mum and Johan Saturday and we’ll go to Ikea 
They’re gonna buy me some closets for my clothes, because right now I have none. Everything is in bags, some things are on bookshelves. The result is that I’m constantly wearing the same things, but I don’t really care. It will be fun to finally tidy up the bedroom when the closets are installed.
Oh, I’d almost forget. Let’s talk about men:
- The mystery man and I have contact on a daily basis. When he realized after a few days that I really did not have Internet, he sms-ed me. But now I’m back in my mailbox and we talk on Gmail all the time. I’ve challenged him to dirty talk and he took it up – and did a very good job Now I’ve challenged him to meet me…. I don’t think he will, I’m just teasing him a little.
- I had some contact with the Photographer. He had planned to come over this week but turned out to be too busy, and yesterday he mailed me that his grandpa is dying. So I guess it will be a while before I hear from him. It’s ok. I’ll see what happens. I have some doubts and I also told him about it, told him that I’m not sure if I can do it another time. Meaning, to meet him just for sex. It has to feel right, and somehow my gut told me no. But when we talked on the phone, I changed my mind again. I’m just gonna let the moment decide.
J. is in Asia for a loooong time. Nice and quiet - Mr. D. called me a lot on Wednesday last week, or maybe it was Thursday I don’t know. Then it was silent for a long time and yesterday he talked to me on MSN. But MSN isn’t working very well on my phone so I cut it off. I e-mailed him and he didn’t reply. Whatever. He gets on my nerves. I wish he would just stay away. At the same time I would love to see him, show him my place, have a nice dinner together… but I know it’s not gonna make me feel better. Right now he’s in Austria, skiing or whatever it is he does there.
- The new J., well, that’s kind of hard to talk about. He has the link to this blog and I already hurt his feelings once by talking about him here and I don’t want to risk doing that again. Right now I’m off line but I plan to upload these words one day and then he might read them too. The thing is, I don’t really know what to do with him. He’s a really nice guy and we get along well, but there’s always something in the air. I can ignore it, but after he helped me with the moving, all the other ‘helpers’ commented on him having feelings for me – privately. They all said it to me, hey, the new J. has a thing for you, hasn’t he. It got to a point where I just sighed. It makes me sad. I feel somehow guilty, I feel bad for being friends with him and not more than that, while I know that he probably wants that. At the same time this sounds horribly arrogant. I think I’ll just let him be as much as possible. It’s too awkward. He knows how I feel and he says he just wants to be friends, if that’s the best thing he can get so it will be… so he’s settling for friendship. But it frustrates me! Strange huh?
Now it’s half past two. I’m very thirsty and I want a cig. Shall I get up? My life schedule is totally fucked up. It’s gonna be hell to get up early again, started Saturday… Johan and mum will be here at 8.30…..!!! and then Monday, I have to be at work before 9…. meaning the last train I can take is the 8.12, which I hate because it’s always crowded. The bad shower here also makes me very slow with the morning-things. Maybe I can get a better shower-head at Ikea, just a cheap one. There’s a really expensive one now, which saves water and all that shit, but I can’t get my hair wet in under ten minutes. And time is not always on my side! Quick showers are a very necessary part of my life!! Hehehe… it’s true.
Oh gosh. So many things to do. So many things still in my head. I will drink a glass of water and smoke a cig, and then…. hopefully sleep.
I’m surrounded by boxes and big blue plastic bags. My life, boxed up. Just two night before the moving day! I’m ready to go, ready to leave I am totally excited about. I feel a bit shit lately, but at the same time I’m excited about the house… There are lots of things to take care of but it will work out I’m sure. I will just take it day by day, I got two whole weeks off work… I don’t think I’ve ever been off for so long since… mmm think think… 2006!
Right after I’ve moved into my new place, I will start another interesting project – I will see a counselor…. we got our first meeting Wednesday morning. I’m excited about this too, maybe a bit strange but I’m actually looking forward to it. It’s scary, but it’s also something I have been thinking about for a long time. And now it’s finally time.
I had a talk with Sue about my problems a while ago. The sleeping-issue is getting out of hand, my eating habits are dramatic, I haven’t seen the gym in ages and I’m working too much. I’m not taking care of myself and I can’t seem to break the negative circle I’m in, either. Sue suggested counseling and found the website of W.F. in Amsterdam. I sent an e-mail to this woman and told her shortly that I have some practical problems in my life that I want to solve, and that I think they are a result of my childhood and upbringing (which is usually the case). She said, it’s good to know the cause of your problems but it doesn’t help you to solve the actual problems. Sometimes you need a little guidance in doing that and she can offer me that… so Wednesday is D-Day.
I know my mother is an issue, both my parents are. I decided a long time ago that I can’t hold it against them that they made some mistakes. I don’t think you can avoid making mistakes as a parent! There is no guidebook, you just have to take it as it comes. I haven’t had any real problems with my mom in a long time now and that’s good. It’s gotten a lot better since I moved out 8-9 years ago. But there are still… scars maybe, trauma’s. Oh it sounds really dramatic now… I am not an abused child. It could be a lot worse. It’s just that my mom isn’t exactly the most positive, jolly person on the planet and it has affected me. I have problems accepting compliments, possibly because I was always told I’m not special, I’m just another person, and I shouldn’t act any different than other people. Being normal is the goal. Then I also got an attention issue, it has gotten a lot smaller over the past years but I know it’s still there. Not being important enough for people, causing drama to get attention. Negative attention is still attention, right? I want to be stronger and more sure of myself. Not always run to get other people’s opinion before I can decide if what I’m doing is right. If you talk to enough people, there’s always going to be someone who agrees with you. So why not rely on my own judgment then? Why not just do things my way and see what happens? I’ve become better in doing that over the years… but still…
So, a lot is happening. Mr. D. is kind of around. He called me Friday but I had the new J. coming over so I had to end quickly. I didn’t mind to hang up at all. It’s so double how I feel about him. I love to hear his voice (I’ve always loved his voice, that’s how he got to me. I fell in love with him over the phone ), I’m glad to hear he’s doing ok (in his own way, that is) and that he’s had a good time during New Year’s. He’s taken a couple days off before heading off to France again. It’s all great. And at the same time, my heart shrinks when he talks about all the people he’s been seeing, friends and family. Dinner in Amsterdam with this friend, helping out that friend who was in need and suddenly needed a shoulder, visiting parents at the vacation address, driving around from one meeting to another and all in all having a good time…. The little voice in my head screams out – where am I in this story?! Why don’t I get a tiny little piece of your precious time? Why didn’t you call me sooner? Why no sms with New Year’s? Why? WHY?!
Why is he having dinner dates and forest-walks and terrace-beers with all these other people and not with me? Rejection… man. I can write a book about rejection. I can also put it on the list of mother-issues, but with her it’s different. It’s just always been like that, I guess I’m so used to it that I don’t expect anything else. But Mr. D…. it just hurts because it wasn’t always like this. There was a short time when I was the most important one… when I got an sms, a call or a kiss every day. Times when he was in Italy and missing me like crazy, telling me the most beautiful things to assure me that he was waiting to see me again. Moments where we had such a peace around us, where I was completely safe in his arms and woke up with a smile, knowing he would be there. It was there, it was short but so so sweet…
Now it’s all over. He doesn’t care anymore, or doesn’t want to care. He’s pushed me away, out of his heart, out of his mind. He had buried me, us, already before we died. And even though I know it’s better this way, it hurts. It hurts to get rejected. It hurts to know I have failed, while I was sure I would make it. I was really positive that we would be a great match in the end, that he would open up to me, that his great personality would shine through like on those precious moments…
Ok. I have to stop talking about Mr. D. because he’s already taken enough space in this blog. Enough words wasted on the man that rejected me.
There are some other men going on… the Photographer is there, we talk on msn. I think we will meet again soon, in the new house… I have to get some shit together and rest a little bit and then I’ll invite him over
The new J. is still there as well. We went out last Friday, I was stupidly drunk in a very short time so I didn’t go home too late. He’s gonna help me move on Tuesday also, I’m so glad because I can use all the help I can get.
The ‘old’ J. is out of the picture for a while. He’s traveling in Asia with his family. So that department is nice and quiet… I’m not sure why I have a problem talking to him but I do. Now he won’t be around for a couple months.
The asshole Fireman is stalking me sometimes on sms. I told him to piss off and he’s still not giving up. He’s been silent since Friday now and I’m hoping it’s staying that way. If not, maybe I have to try to call him instead of just sending pissed off sms-es… :S but I don’t really want to talk to him…
There are two other guys I’m talking to on the website where I met Mr. D…. oh yes, I’m keeping myself busy no worries, I will never ever get bored as long as my Internet connection is working The Mystery Man is the most interesting of the two. We’ve had contact some times before, I’m not sure how long ago… then there was a silent period, and now he’s back full force. We’ve been talking a lot and there always seem to be things to talk about. It’s not a good sign actually because he’s not single. After J. I told myself that I need one for myself now, one that’s just for me… ahem. And then came the Counselor, Photographer and now the Mystery Man…. though I don’t think I will meet (and seep with) the last one…. he’s not like the others.
Speaking of sleeping… goodnight
